Two days ago, I lost my kids. In my front yard. I was completely terrified. Why is it that motherhood becomes panic-hood so quickly. These thoughts start running through my mind..."A bad guy...no, a bear...no, they went far enough back on our property to find the river and fell in...hit by a car...hopelessly lost...should I be calling 9-1-1?...how long should I wait before I organize a rescue/ search party?" I think they were gone 5 minutes, but it was a VERY LONG 5 minutes. I was blowing my whistle (mandatory response from children) hard enough to alert Army men running laps in a distant town. Finally, I heard a tiny little whistle from my babies. Apparently, they could hear panic in my voice as I called for them, because they beat their way through the jungle and came sprinting into my arms. I was never so glad to see them.
It happened again last night. Not getting lost, but the panic-hood. It was night and the kids were getting into bed. The baby was asleep in her bassinet in our room (until the big kids go to sleep and I can put her in their room). Sitting on the couch, I heard this enormous crash, but I couldn't tell where it came from. I jumped up and stood in the hall, torn between which children to rescue. (Thank heavens for level-headed husbands). Though it was only a STUPID pile of boxes in the kids' room, I ended up a crying mess, holding my baby who had woken up with the racket. Most of the time, the kids are perfectly fine in these situations. I had nightmares all night in which my babies were hurt and I couldn't save them, or I came too late to keep them from getting hurt.
Is it part of the Plan for us to have this panicky fear? I know the scripture that says if we are prepared we shall not fear, but I am as prepared as I can be; I have backup plans for backup plans, and have drilled my children on every possible situation, but I'm still scared to death half the time. The thought of going to Disneyland with my kids (no, we're not going) sends me into a panic attack, thinking of trying to keep track of my children and to keep them away from strangers.
This totally trumps waterfalls.
6 comments:
Yeah, you crazy, girl.
Everyone has their fears, you just happen to have a little more than me...and most everyone else.
Ha, ha, ha.
I think life changes when you know, like you do, how quickly it can go away. I think you are normal for your life experiences. Give some of it up in prayer and talk to Missy. She has great stories about other crazy moms who found ways out. Remind her about the lady who wouldn't let her kids sleep with the windows open.
Was that me? Hey, it's a well-established fact the the creeps seek out the best looking kids. Yeah, we talked about this before. You're just a bit bent. But that's ok. You're funny that way.
Ummm. I don't let my kids sleep with their windows open. I'm hanging my head in shame.
You're a good mom. I still check on Scamper all the time while thinking, "Is he still breathing?"
YOU ARE NORMAL! my kids sleept with the windows closed until i found a screwing lock that lets me open the window as much (or as little, in my case, like an inch or less, just enough for a small breeze) and then lock it opened. got them at home depot. i have the same dreams especially for the first few months after a new baby is born. call it fear of my inadequate self...call it crazy...crazy happens and i would rather have safe kids and a little control than lose my kids and not realize it till it was too late. you are doing a great job mom! kids are adorable and well adjusted and how fun to live in the forest:) i love your blog. you say what i think!
Just so you know, its not just a mom thing. Our new daddy has a samari sword and a golf club in the bedroom so he can protect both me and the baby. He also forbade me from putting the baby on the wall closest to the door so that he would have an extra few steps between her and any creepo that might sneak into the house.
I just freak that she isn't breathing or that something in wrong because she only woke me up once in the night... like last night. :)
Post a Comment