This has been an insane couple of weeks. I've wanted to blog about it for awhile now, but didn't really want to until I knew there was a happy ending. Now that I know there is, I can write about it.
I had a CT scan done a month or so ago for something completely unrelated, but in the scan they found an "anomaly" under my sternum that looked like a tumor. Thought that was kind of interesting. Almost immediately, a cardio-thoracic specialist ordered an MRI for me. For various reasons, we kept having to postpone the test, which was complete agony. Because I was sure I was dying of breast cancer, the spousal unit and I discussed which women I approve of as second wives, how to arrange childcare in the meantime, and what he should do with the life insurance money. Most people probably think that we are very weird for talking about this kind of stuff, but based on our pasts, we have very good reason to be sure that any news would be very, very bad news. I did a lot of sleeping in the week before my actual MRI, to escape my thoughts mostly; my thoughts that it really wouldn't be so bad to be done with this life. There are so many things to look forward to about the next life. There, I won't have to worry about bad guys stealing or hurting my children. Here, I am tired. I am tired of missing my brother. I am tired of life being so hard for so long. Now, don't misunderstand and think that I'm poised at the edge of a cliff from which I'm about to hurl myself. I don't want to leave my family. I love my sweet husband and angel kids. I don't want my children to be raised by someone else. On the whole, I have a very happy and good life. I was just thinking that, if I had to go and it was my time, I wouldn't mind so much.
Anyway, during the MRI, they gave me earplugs and headphones for music, which seemed like an odd combo at first. As soon as the machine started though, I understood why; it is so loud! Of course, with my amazing skills, I slept through nearly the whole thing. I only woke up when they had to put the contrast in my IV. Very restful. But the results were even more restful. Of course, we had to wait 2 days for them through which Spousal Unit tried not to vomit and I tried to stay unconscious... But, it turns out that I am totally fine and my anomaly isn't so weird after all, but a remnant of a gland that usually shrinks by the time you're five.
Alas, the sweet young things I had picked out as wife #2 will have to wait for a lesser man to snatch them up, for now anyway...
3 comments:
I'm reading. Those are great ideas you have in the previous post. I'm excited to see what you do first.
I am so glad to hear everything turned out fine. I am not ready for anything different!
As for projects I mostly trying to ignore all of them or at least pretend that I don't have a hundred other things I should be doing and just enjoy my little family. If I do finally face reality and decide to attempt anything I will let you know.
In the meantime I can't wait to see how your turn out!
Oh my, so glad to hear you're okay! Life is tough, isn't it? I came all the way back from Primary Children's to my husband who said that his doctor told him he had to go to the U of U hospital (right next door) for an emergency X-ray. And I said "What fresh hell is this?" We should co-author a book someday!
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