My Little Project

I've been working on a fun and insightful project. See, the past year has been a little challenging for me, which has made it so I have kind of sucked myself into a little protective, non-communicative shell. Because I am a firm believer in Thumper's "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" motto, I stopped calling people. I stopped blogging for the most part. I just didn't have anything nice to say. (I think I used up all my "nice" at work anyway, with just a little left over for just my small family!)
Anyway, it had been a while since I called my brother. He called me all the time, but then he always was a preserver of relationships. I've said it before; he held on to them with all the stubborn tenacity of a piranha. I'm very grateful for that now. But...back to my project. I had been feeling terrible about what a neglectful sister I had been in the past year, and decided to go through all my journals to find anything I could where I mentioned his name. I never had pages and pages of entries devoted to him (until just recently). In fact, I hardly had any pictures that just featured him either. But, as I dug through every single page in every journal I have found so far, he was there. As I went through my photo albums, he was there too. He was always in the background; always in little side notes. He was peppered throughout the pages just like thinking about him was part of life. It has helped a bit as I'm sitting here missing him and wishing so desperately that I would hear a little chime indicating that he is trying to IM me. "You there, sis?" I'm here, but gmail says that he is not available to chat right now.
I thought I would share some of the fun entries I found. They started out pretty silly, since I was about 9 when I first started writing, but I got a kick out of them, and I know he would too.

10/26/1986

“Today is Stake Conference. It’s boring! Four people spoke. Michael is being a jerk! He is pretending he swallowed his eyeball.”

I had to laugh at that one. We had Stake Conference yesterday, and right behind us, I heard this giggling. A brother and his big sister, probably about 9 and 11, were having a Rock, Paper, Scissors contest, and got busted by their dad for making too much noise. It brought back all sorts of funny memories. We would fold our arms for prayer, and tickle each other with our hidden hands. We could never figure out how Mom always knew what we were up to. We looked so reverent!

7/11/1988

“Dear Diary, Michael is being a brat. He is so spoiled ROTTEN. He even got more ice cream than me. Tonight I’m going to put a black circle on his nose, Cover his face (not eyes, nose, or mouth) with shaving cream, cover the shaving cream with toilet paper, on top of that toothpaste, then more toilet paper. His face will be a masterpiece. Picture on back”

I snuck in every night for about a week after this entry, and put shaving cream on his face. It always rubbed off on his pillow. I want to know why I didn't get in trouble for using so much of my dad's shaving cream!

My entries got more loving as I got older though. (o:

8/4/1993

“I didn’t really notice, but Michael is becoming a buffed little guy. He and I are getting along really well. We have ever since both [sisters] left for college. We talk about everything practically…from kissing to underwear to best friends and camping. I’m glad he’s my buddy.”

5/5/1997

“The dance was so fun…I was dancing w/ Michael when Matt came up to say goodbye and that he’d call me tomorrow.”

10/20/1998

“Michael wrote me today. I sure love him.”

And then, my favorite one:

12/27/1998 (After his Christmas call from his mission)

“I need to write to Michael. It was so wonderful to talk to him. We spoke in Spanish almost the whole time. We are at pretty much the same level. He’s gotten so good! I just love him. I talked to him about Kyle, Rob, John, & just other stuff. I got to talk to him for 10 minutes all by myself. At the end, the whole fam sang ‘Silent Night’…well, [my sister, her husband] & I sang ‘Silent Night’ while Mom, Dad, & Michael cried. I sure miss my little bro. Wow. Now I’m teary-eyed. Of course, that’s not going to stop me from borrowing some of his ski stuff! Woo-hoo! Mt. Bachelor, here I come!”

I think he would have liked that one. (o:

Bro, I miss you so much. So, so much.